Bite Club: Food Porn: The Vegan Job

I love planning surprises for other people. As a notoriously terrible liar, it's a thrill and a challenge for me to plot, arrange and successfully execute something totally unexpected and amazing for someone I love. For me, few things beat the thrill of scheming behind the back of those close to me, especially when the scheme involves cake. It's like every heist movie I've ever watched gets played out in my own life, except there's no Clooney and Pitt, no Mini Coopers, no Antwerp diamonds, no moles infiltrating my operation, and no burglars dressed up as Orthodox Jews.

...Did I mention there was cake?

My kid sister's birthday is coming up on August 27th, but if all goes according to my heist-- err, plan, I'll be back in Montreal by then. Since I can only imagine what snail mail would do to even the most lovingly prepared and packaged cupcakes, I decided to do the only thing I could: prepare a special vegan dinner, since she recently gave up ~~cheese~~ everything.

I bought the ingredients and hid them all over the house like Easter eggs, taking to baking in the dead of night and while she was out or sleeping. Every resounding slam of the oven door, every time I turned on the beaters to whip vegetable shortening set my heart pounding. I thought I was sure to be caught in my secret, cruelty free endeavours. I was possessed.

It got to the point where it was 2:30AM the day before the dinner and I lay in bed, wide awake over mixing up the triple threat of vegan buttercreams I had planned to do in the early morning. By 3AM, I was downstairs in my pajamas, making raspberry reduction and sifting sugar. By 3:30, I was icing the layer cake, despairing over my sloppy work and resigned to the fact that it was destined to be on Cake Wrecks. By 4, I deemed it "not terrible" and "hopefully it will taste good."

At the end of it all, to get her to the table I had to come clean about the dinner I had prepared for us, saying it was one of the last meals we might get to have together before I left. The cake was still surprise though. Just call me Michael Caine, and bring on the food porn.